We are Family
My
Granddad unexpectedly died last week. It breaks my heart to type it.
By writing it down, I am acknowledging that it is real.
Granddad, or Pawpaw (as Elijah called him-after we told him “old Granddad” wasn’t appropriate), was such a wonderful man. To give you an indication of this, he had already prepared a file for my Grandma on the event of his passing. Although it seems like a bleak set of documents to compile, this completely saved her. He gave “the love of his life for 64 years” (quote from his self-written obituary) the gift of avoiding more tough decisions and prep work during a horribly difficult time.
And, upon arriving at my Grandma’s house after his death, the platters of Southern food had started to roll in. To glimpse the type of person SHE is, please note that she had already started making a list of who brought what foods. To send them thank you cards later. I KNOW! Under the same circumstances, I would have locked myself in my room and yelled inappropriate things at anyone who tried to “help”. But obviously, these are saintly people I have descended from.
It seems unfair that so many people we love are already hanging out in heaven with Jesus. The rest of David and I’s grandfathers had already passed before Elijah was even born. Needless to say, he had a very special relationship with Pawpaw. Because of some long standing lung trouble, my Granddad had a broken, gravelly voice-punctuated by coughs and throat clearing. It made understanding him difficult. This never seemed to hinder his relationship with Elijah. I will forever remember his rumbling voice slowly reading books to our crazy toddler boy, who would then babble some sort of nonsense right back at him. They always seemed to understand each other perfectly.
One of the hardest things we’ve had to do as parents was tell Elijah that his Pawpaw was in heaven. I mean this is a kid who was traumatized about the death of his beta fish. Over breakfast the next morning (after a long tearful night), he was staring glassy-eyed into space. David asked, “Are you okay buddy?”. Elijah looked up, his eyes giant and sad, and said softly, “I’m just remembering all the good times I had with Pawpaw.” Talk about a dagger in the heart! A child has no mask for their pain; it is honest and pure. Watching my son experience his first true heartbreak was like living the hurt all over again.
But because of all of this, I feel blessed. Let me explain my crazy talk. Our family LOVES each other; our extended family loves each other. David and I both come from weirdly functional families. Not perfect, but functional! Elijah got to have a real relationship with his great grandfather. That is unusual in the best kind of way! I realize that many people do not get to experience this within their families. I hope I don’t sound like I am bragging; I just feel incredibly lucky.
This “extended family love” is why we all venture out on a family vacation every year. While this would be a special kind of torture to some of you, we mostly have a good time. I mean our family gatherings don’t remotely resemble any Norman Rockwell paintings, but we do enjoy our imperfect family’s fun :). And this year’s vacation was extra important. It was time for us to make our BIG adoption announcement. Since the majority of our family was already gathered together, it made the most sense to do it then. We were nervous.
Eventually, the time rolled around for the announcement. David and Elijah told the whole family about our exciting news. I waited with my breath held and knees bent for a quick escape if necessary. They hadn’t even finished talking about our beautiful, African daughter before EVERYONE just broke out in a round of applause. Music to our ears; the sound of barriers breaking. The welcoming of our family’s landscape being forever changed.
These are our people. Baby girl, I am so sorry that you will never get to meet your great Granddad on this side of heaven. He and your great Grandma laid the foundation of love for this family. The moral backbone. And it is part of your story even though you aren’t here yet. Upon Grandma’s request, your sweet Pawpaw was laid to rest carrying your puzzle pin in his suit pocket. You see-you were loved before you were born. We are family.
Granddad, or Pawpaw (as Elijah called him-after we told him “old Granddad” wasn’t appropriate), was such a wonderful man. To give you an indication of this, he had already prepared a file for my Grandma on the event of his passing. Although it seems like a bleak set of documents to compile, this completely saved her. He gave “the love of his life for 64 years” (quote from his self-written obituary) the gift of avoiding more tough decisions and prep work during a horribly difficult time.
And, upon arriving at my Grandma’s house after his death, the platters of Southern food had started to roll in. To glimpse the type of person SHE is, please note that she had already started making a list of who brought what foods. To send them thank you cards later. I KNOW! Under the same circumstances, I would have locked myself in my room and yelled inappropriate things at anyone who tried to “help”. But obviously, these are saintly people I have descended from.
It seems unfair that so many people we love are already hanging out in heaven with Jesus. The rest of David and I’s grandfathers had already passed before Elijah was even born. Needless to say, he had a very special relationship with Pawpaw. Because of some long standing lung trouble, my Granddad had a broken, gravelly voice-punctuated by coughs and throat clearing. It made understanding him difficult. This never seemed to hinder his relationship with Elijah. I will forever remember his rumbling voice slowly reading books to our crazy toddler boy, who would then babble some sort of nonsense right back at him. They always seemed to understand each other perfectly.
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One of the hardest things we’ve had to do as parents was tell Elijah that his Pawpaw was in heaven. I mean this is a kid who was traumatized about the death of his beta fish. Over breakfast the next morning (after a long tearful night), he was staring glassy-eyed into space. David asked, “Are you okay buddy?”. Elijah looked up, his eyes giant and sad, and said softly, “I’m just remembering all the good times I had with Pawpaw.” Talk about a dagger in the heart! A child has no mask for their pain; it is honest and pure. Watching my son experience his first true heartbreak was like living the hurt all over again.
But because of all of this, I feel blessed. Let me explain my crazy talk. Our family LOVES each other; our extended family loves each other. David and I both come from weirdly functional families. Not perfect, but functional! Elijah got to have a real relationship with his great grandfather. That is unusual in the best kind of way! I realize that many people do not get to experience this within their families. I hope I don’t sound like I am bragging; I just feel incredibly lucky.
This “extended family love” is why we all venture out on a family vacation every year. While this would be a special kind of torture to some of you, we mostly have a good time. I mean our family gatherings don’t remotely resemble any Norman Rockwell paintings, but we do enjoy our imperfect family’s fun :). And this year’s vacation was extra important. It was time for us to make our BIG adoption announcement. Since the majority of our family was already gathered together, it made the most sense to do it then. We were nervous.
Eventually, the time rolled around for the announcement. David and Elijah told the whole family about our exciting news. I waited with my breath held and knees bent for a quick escape if necessary. They hadn’t even finished talking about our beautiful, African daughter before EVERYONE just broke out in a round of applause. Music to our ears; the sound of barriers breaking. The welcoming of our family’s landscape being forever changed.
These are our people. Baby girl, I am so sorry that you will never get to meet your great Granddad on this side of heaven. He and your great Grandma laid the foundation of love for this family. The moral backbone. And it is part of your story even though you aren’t here yet. Upon Grandma’s request, your sweet Pawpaw was laid to rest carrying your puzzle pin in his suit pocket. You see-you were loved before you were born. We are family.
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| "Do not pity the dead. Pity the living, and, above all, those who live without love." -Dumbledore |
Oh, my goodness. The last paragraph has me in tears. You are indeed blessed. I pray comfort for your hearts as you mourn a sweet man's passing. xo - T
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