To be or not to be (pregnant)....

To borrow a quote from an adoption tee-shirt: “So far no morning sickness, but the paper cuts are ridiculous!” (I will be finding and buying this shirt!  And our daughter will receive the one that says “Don’t tell my parents, but they don’t look a thing like me”).  It’s true-we are definitely on a much different path than pregnancy.

I was NOT one of those “Pregnancy Unicorns” who just soak up every aspect of carrying a child.  You know who I’m talking about.  Many of them are my friends, so I speak of them in love (with only slight eye rolling).  They enjoy every second of pregnancy-glowing all the way through.  

Mine was more of a rocky-adolescent pregnancy, a little stubborn and slightly rebellious at times.  Obviously, the outcome was worth it (I hope my parents can say the same about my outcome from those teenaged years).  And, all joking aside, we would do it again in a heartbeat.

Yes, I am using a skull purse as my face.  Two words: Adolescent pregnancy.

 Taking from our support letter (yes, it is a little Ron Burgundy-esque to quote ourselves): “By adopting we are not giving up the hope of having another biological child in the future, adoption is NOT a lesser way of bringing another child into our family, and we believe that regardless of how God may (or may not) add to our family in the future--we are meant to adopt right now.  This is certain for us.”

Although we happened to arrive at adoption more quickly because of our issues with infertility, we never viewed it as a “second-best” way to bring our daughter into our family.  But it is COMPLETELY different, and even harder in some ways, than pregnancy.

No one is going to come up to me, touch my stomach, and then ask how our adoption is proceeding.  At least, I hope NOT :) !  Besides the exhaustion and paper cuts received from filling out our Ethiopia paperwork, we bear no physical reminders of this process.  And so, we still have well-meaning people coming up and asking us, “Isn’t it time for Elijah to have a sibling?” (Moral of this story: Do not ever ask someone this question!  As it is NEVER okay to ask a random stranger if she is pregnant, it is NEVER okay to ask someone when they plan to bear a child--as if they had not thought about it before.  As if by your magical powers of persuasion, we could just go home and produce one on the spot).  At least now we can tell them about the adoption.  But it is a hurtful reminder of those 2 years we desperately wanted to be pregnant.

We have no doctor appointments to schedule, no prenatal vitamins to buy.  No present baby in my belly to feel kick, squirm, and grow.  In ways this is both easier and harder.  Easier because (duh!) I don’t have to carry the baby around.  That is a job in itself and let no one tell you otherwise (even those pregnancy unicorns)!  And harder because I don’t get to carry the baby around.  She isn’t with us yet.  We don’t get to hear her heartbeat and know that she is getting the best prenatal care.  This is the ultimate relinquishing of control.  Faith that she is protected and well, even apart from us.  

So, no-we aren’t pregnant, but we are expecting a baby girl.  Thanks for asking, we would LOVE to talk to you about it!  Each word of support and encouragement you offer is like a drink of cold water.  And to get through this mountain of paperwork, we could definitely use the refreshment!  In Elijah’s words, “Dear Jesus, please help us with our adoption paperwork...please help us with our adoption paperwork...(cue his stage whisper to David and I)....I prayed it twice because it’s important!”. 

And this isn't even all of it!  I told you so.