The Sounds of Silence

No one would accuse my husband and I of being sappy.  Not overly sentimental or sensitive.  If we had cable at our house (we don’t), I’m sure we would not be memorizing the channel numbers of the Lifetime and Hallmark stations.  

Then this thing happened.  Our son was born.  David and I like to say, “He destroyed us emotionally”.  And we mean that in the best possible way.  Books and television dramas about sick/kidnapped kids or delinquent parents just ruin us.  Never mind that they are completely fictional and it all ends well.  I get teary now during some commercials, especially around the Olympics.  It is ridiculous.
 
Add in this adoption process and in many ways we are GONE emotionally.  We have stripped down so many barriers to come to this place.  The honesty and vulnerability required for all the checks, balances, and clearances for adoption is nearly brutal.  Oftentimes I feel like I am walking around with hunched shoulders, a turtle without its shell.

Needless to say, we were a bit wary when scheduling our Adoption Orientation meeting with the social worker.  She was a doll though and gave us a lot of helpful information about the eventual transition time for our family when our daughter comes home.

And she said to be grateful if our daughter comes home crying.  Um, what?!?  That was the opposite of what I expected/wanted to hear.  Then she went on: Babies raised in healthy environments (obviously not orphanages) learn cause and effect early on.  Therefore, crying=attention.  So if our daughter has a healthy set of lungs on her, she has learned to speak her mind, get heard, and receive care.

Elijah learning cause and effect early on...

 In rare, troublesome cases, the social worker said that one could enter an orphanage and it will be completely SILENT.  The children there have learned that there will be no one available to answer their cries.  And so they no longer cry.   Silence.

Now I have been called many things: Liberal, bleeding heart, hippie (for future reference, I prefer the last one).  But I cannot imagine ANY decent person not being affected by that terrible reality.  A room full of children unwilling and unable to communicate their basic needs because they have learned that it is worthless.  I cannot get it out of my mind.

My reminder necklace: "No, I will not abandon you as orphans-I will come to you."

 What do we do with this harsh truth?  Honestly, tears are not enough.  Momentary discomfort followed by a few sympathetic words is not enough.  With knowledge comes responsibility.  It is an overwhelming responsibility.  Because no, we cannot change the entire world.   But we can change one child’s world, one family’s world for the better.   

David, being the Social Worker of Justice (yes, it is a copyrighted title), has implemented a couple easy changes in our home.  Sponsoring a child (with Compassion International it just $38 a month--the price of 2 fancy candles or a dinner out).  Shopping Fair Trade (we LOVE Ten Thousand Villages).  Using Christmas to honor a family member or friend by giving life saving resources in their name (Samaritan’s Purse-or-Heifer International).  Helping this great family I know fund their adoption (waaait a second :) ).  There are so many options it is embarrassing.

If you are thinking, “This isn’t really MY thing”, I get it.  Remember, “Faith is a journey, not a guilt trip”.  Listen, even we didn’t realize that this was going to be our THING until just this year.  Here’s a compromise: How about I give you one *free* (oh yeah, I’ve got your attention now) option to start with?!  Prayer.  Please pray for our daughter.  I know that at this point, she is perhaps not even a sparkle in her birth parents’ eyes.  Not even a thought yet.  But she is already in our thoughts and prayers each night.  Dear God, please protect our baby.  Give her loving caretakers to surround her.  Let her needs be met.  And God--give her a loud mouth just like me.  Let her cries be heard and answered.  Amen.

God-Protect our child until she can come home!