Under My Skin

After you have been through a particular set of life circumstances, you find yourself acutely aware of certain things.  Similar to how when you buy a specific type of car, you start noticing them everywhere.  Or the cologne you absolutely despise?  You can pick out that smell from a mile away (or from the guy sitting behind you in the theater.  What’s up with that?).   In our case when we started the adoption process, we discovered a new found sensitivity towards several things.  They stressed us out, we didn’t have patience for them anymore.  But much like Mary’s lamb, they followed us wherever we went.  

The triggers.  I’m sure you have a few of your own.  Honestly, they are probably things that should bother us all.  However, our stronger emotions towards them have been established through personal experience and hard lessons learned.  We’ve become OVERLY conscious of them.  The big 4.  Judgement, lavish living, excuses, and our best laid plans.

Judgement:  First of all, whoever likes being judged- please raise your hand?!  Okay, that makes none of us.  The thought that someone could take a cursory glance at us and then pass judgement about our life is insulting and superficial.  It should make you mad!  But moving on, whoever has judged someone- please raise your hand?!  Okay, that makes ALL of us.  Listen, as a girl who wore camo and dog collars to a Christian high school, I’m used to swapping a little judgement with people.  Why do we do this?  Blame it on the old jealousy/pride combo with a side of selfishness.  I call it the fast-food feelings: cheap, easy, and almost NEVER good for you.   We need to be on top, so we are willing to cut people down a few pegs (even with our thoughts) to make it there.  And on the flipside, we pretend our lives are perfect to impress people.  Haven’t we all hidden our mess so others won’t get the wrong (or right) impression of us?  Those concerns can end up being a brutal boss.  It isn’t our job to please others.  We don’t need to “fix” our imperfect families.  No matter what people say, do, or think regarding us, Jesus will not be swayed in his opinion.  “....The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."-1 Samuel 16:7  And *BAM* (as Elijah would say), there you have it.   

You may judge my husband's haircut in this picture.  And the fact his belt buckle can double as a bottle opener!

  
Lavish Living:  If you are an American, chances are you struggle with this one.  We do things to the EXCESS!  I’m not talking about living comfortably or having possessions available for the good of your family.  But getting your dog a pedicure?  I’m not so sure that is necessary.  However we ALL have our version of the “puppy pedicure”, whether it be a daily Starbucks run, the next best piece of technology, or ANOTHER pair of shoes. Our heart will not stop without these things.  They are not necessities, but we are so used to cushy and comfortable that they seem to be!  Recently I read a section of a book detailing a woman’s date at a museum.  She was awed over a particular piece of art and asked her companion’s opinion.  His reply was, “Sure.  It’s spectacular if you’ve got enough food to feed your kids.”  I thought that about summed it up.  We should take joy in life’s beauty and simple pleasures.  But when those pleasures blind us to the basic needs of others, it becomes wrong.  Because although YOUR family may be just fine, there are plenty of people living in poverty--struggling to provide life’s essentials to their families.  I promise that when you get to heaven, Jesus won’t pull you aside and say, “I REALLY appreciate all the time and money you sunk into that Mustang of yours!  Those rims were amazing!”  Instead He will say, “Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance.... For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me....Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” -Matthew 25:34-40

I hear that admitting you have a problem is the first step....

 
Excuses:  As the queen of tardiness, I hold huge stock in this category (I love that saying, “How can I make an entrance if I’m on time?”).  We all have our excuses, some valid ones, for getting out of nearly anything.  Kids are the best excuse.  That’s one of the main reasons we are adopting another one (and that folks, is called “sarcasm”).  Tardy for church, exhausted from a late night, looking like a slob?  Blame it on the kid!  Okay- let’s get serious now.   The excuses we’ll be talking about here are the creative reasons we invent to get out of participating in something good.  Example: My husband LOVES to give to charity and help others in need.  I do too, but I’ve found myself a little more hesitant to put ourselves out there since starting the adoption.  My excuse?  We are adopting a BABY FROM AFRICA!  I mean, we kind of have a lot going on.  But David doesn’t see that as an excuse-he doesn’t think we are “off the hook” for generosity because of our adoption.  And he’s right (Yes David, now I’ve published those words.  Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday!).  I’m sure you’ve heard “to whom much is given, much shall be required” (Luke 12:48).  I believe that is true not only with money (and we’ve established that if you’re an American-you’ve got money), but also with benevolence.  Through this adoption, we’ve been SO blessed by the generosity of others.  For us to cut that generosity off at our family would be wrong.  I think we are REQUIRED to responsibly pass on kindness as often as we can, however we can.  Your life circumstances may be different.  Perhaps you’ve received good counsel from others in your time of need.  Pass it on!  Maybe your family was given meals during a difficult time.  Pass it on!  You don’t have to drain your savings account to show love to others, but you shouldn’t use your current situation as an excuse to hold back generosity.  Jesus said it best, “Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full--pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back." -Luke 6:38  Your kindness can be a story; pages filled and people touched by the perpetuation of a simple act.  Excuses are a bookmark, a place holder, a reason not to go further.  Turn the page, take a risk--chances are the best is yet to come!

Our Best Laid Plans:  To put it bluntly, life doesn’t always turn out the way you have planned.  If it did, I’d be married to Zack Morris, living in Paris, and watching the New Kids on the Block reunion tour (True story-I did at one time really hope for all those things).  Obviously, that didn’t happen....and neither did a couple of other things I had planned.  Infertility and international adoption were not even on my radar during the Zack years.  I’m NOT saying that you shouldn’t have a plan for the future.  But putting your hope in those plans (instead of in Jesus) is wrong.  Like the young girl I heard rattle off her plans for children (the time frame in which they would be born, their genders, and how many she would have in total).  That used to be me, although I was never quite that detailed.  And here’s the Scriptural slap in the face I got, “Look here, you people who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year’....How do you know what will happen tomorrow?...What you ought to say is, ‘If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.’  Otherwise you will be boasting about your own plans, and all such boasting is evil.” -James 4:13-16  In other words, “I don’t know WHAT my future holds, but I know WHO holds my future.”

A friend shared a video with me and I thought it was the perfect way to wrap up this post.  In many ways, David and I desire our family to mirror the traits this family displays.  There’s no judgement, we can come as we are and be accepted.  Our joy should be found in the simplicity of life and love (although, admittedly-video family’s house is stinking HUGE!  Perhaps this would be a literal translation of Luke 6:38).  We want to be known for our generosity, our willingness to participate -instead of our excuses.  And lastly our imperfections, the deviations we make from “the plan” are what will set us apart.  They are what makes us special.  Chosen.  They show that our calling is NOT about being perfect, it’s about being willing.  Because when everything is said and done, it’s not about US.  “We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.” -2 Corinthians 4:7