Quarantine Guilt 101

I am not a crafty or helpful person, but my MIL is and she made these masks! 
For other craft inclined peeps, click HERE to link to the site where she got the pattern.

Awhile back I wrote 2 separate blogs: One about failing as an adult and the other about failing as a mom.  Obviously, there are myriad ways (for me) to stink at life!

But -in a million years- I would have never predicted the on-going activity where I'm currently floundering...

QUARANTINE!!!

Apparently, some people are using this time to reconnect with their spouse, do home projects they've been putting off, flex their as-of-now-unused homeschooling muscles, bake all the things, and out-perform the earth.  The need to "win" sheltering in place is HUGE.

That's why social media is so ewww-y.  Because 1.  During this unique Corona-crisis, it's the biggest connecting outlet many of us are utilizing.  And 2.  As a rule, it's easiest and most natural for people to share from their overflow -whether it be news, opinion, accomplishment, family pics, humor, crafting success, etc- and not necessarily from moments they're struggling to keep their head above water and barely controlling irritation at co-inhabitants of the house who keep needing THE FOOD MEALS 3 times a day to stay alive and then saying regrettable things to their disobedient children such as, "If I murdered you right now, no one would know."  (Completely hypothetical example.)

Held up to the social media standard, we're all falling short.  It's overwhelming, not to mention disheartening, to feel like you are constantly underachieving.  (Take it from an expert underachiever.)  But let me tell you something: None of us have ever DONE quarantine before!  There is no road-map for "the right way" to do it!  Beyond using medical and professional wisdom and preventative measures, everyone's winging this isolation thing.  And if we judge the 2020 pandemic by how "well" we emerge, then we've missed the deeper crux of the matter: We are marked forever.

Those who've experienced BIG loss understand this feeling, the wide-open exposure to life's potential for cruelty.   As a survivor of a traumatic event, that knowledge is carried within the scars you bear.  After Margot, David's and my perspective about existence unraveled.  Because if our miracle baby could just die, then it opened Pandora's box of terrible possibilities moving forward.  It's a scary realization, that global health and safety can be seriously impacted.  And THAT'S what the world is experiencing right now: Grief (on top of Co-Vid 19).  We will never be able to go back in time and not have a pandemic.  Or destructive California wildfires.  Or Hurricane Katrina.  Or 9-11.  These are BC/AD events; one of which is presently a long, dark tunnel with no end in sight.

As someone who's like really good at grieving, let me give you a piece of advice for quarantine: You can't do this wrong.  YOU CAN'T.  You can only do it how you do it, one day at a time.  And you don't need to make or achieve or prove anything for these to be valuable moments.  Just get through.  Feeling how you feel -and letting your kids and spouse and people around you feel how THEY feel- is a gift.  And engaging with that vulnerability to pain and big questions is also a gift, not something to be avoided.  Bravery is built in, not born in, by refusing to bypass these critical junctures.  Simply acknowledging the hard thing can be a breath of fresh air.  A dose of medicine.  Not to say that you can't or shouldn't use this bubble of time constructively or imaginatively, but recognize what is driving you to accomplish these tasks.  Burning off excess energy: Good.  Momentarily distracting yourself from life: Understandable.  Evading coming to terms with an unpredictable present: Not so great.  It's funny that "project-ing" (as in, doing all the things) and "projecting" (as in, manifesting one's issues onto -or into- other people or processes or responsibilities) are such similar terms.  Cleaning or redecorating a space is NOT a problem, IF you can visit said room later on to sit with your emotions and confront the Co-Vid elephant lurking in the corner.

So, no guilt in quaran-grieving.  Because although we're in this together, our experience and processing is uniquely our own.  Variable elements producing different results within the same experiment.  Meaning: Don't shrivel up and die because your neighbor is blooming.  Maybe they are a marigold -meant to present above the surface- and you are a carrot quietly working underground.  And if a competitive/insecure carrot forces itself to bolt up and flower like the marigold friend, their labor below WILL BE completely compromised -resulting in an embittered vegetable.  (That's science.  Also I read it in Wikipedia, so it must be true.)  You can't compare carrots to marigolds, apples to oranges, or the "fruit" of your quaran-grief to someone else's.  I mean, you CAN compare, but probs not without becoming bitter.  (Remember, the sciences.)  Because whether you're sweeping under the couch -or- passed out on top of the couch, whether you're baking the whole earth -or- eating the whole earth, whether you're distance learning with the kids -or- social distancing from the kids: It's all a part of grief.  And it's all okay.  Give yourself grace to move through these choppy waters without the weight of too many expectations.  Just try not to be a destructive jerk.  Or a marigold. (Ha!  Jk, jk.)  And, for us destructive jerks who *may or may not* threaten our housemates, there's always tomorrow.  Take a breath.  Try again.  We can do this.