A Grinchy Attempt at Gratitude
Confession: I don't give a hoot about the holidays. In my opinion, the decorations and festivities can take a flying leap. For an admittedly lazy housekeeper, putting out Christmas stuffs -only to have to take them down a month later- seems an unnecessary waste of my already dwindling energy reserves. I'd rather strangle myself with a strand of twinkly lights. Okay, honestly? It feels a tad superficial. Like the manufactured happiness of Disney World; a distraction from reality. An artificial, sugary icing smeared over the messy actuality of life. Humbug.
And I understand this isn't a popular opinion, but it's genuine. Because forcing seasonal cheer isn't going to result in sincere good feels. Sometimes it can provoke the opposite: Prompting thoughts of ones NOT joining in our holiday celebrations for whatever reason. Loss, hurt, sickness, broken relationships. We don't all get precious Hallmark endings; this time of year *can serve* as a blatant reminder of that.
Considering that I suffer from said cynical bent, I'm *trying* to be intentional about gratitude this season. Obvs, as a middle-class, married, employed, white American girl, this shouldn't be too difficult. But I also tend towards rude behavior and whiny-ness, so that's a pregnant, whale-sized hurdle (Can you tell I'm gestating?) in developing a gracious perspective. Notwithstanding-two BIG examples broke through the callousness, so I wanted to share with the other Grinches out there.
1. Support.
In the beginning of November, my Mom, MIL, Besties, and G'ma, threw me a beautiful baby shower. And the earth showed up! Since I remain in this surreal space of not fully believing we're bringing home an actual baby in January, being surrounded by these hopeful, excited faces was an incredible boost to my psyche. I felt the presence of Jesus through this room of loving women. Then Meghan hushed the crowd (Quite a task!) with heartfelt words that spoke straight to my spirit-
Although I won't go into tremendous detail here, David and I have a relative who's struggled with addiction and incarceration over the past 5+ years. Currently they are in prison. And while it is one thing to embrace the verses in Matthew where Jesus says, "I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me," it is quite another to see the ravaging tornado of someone's mental illness and repeated poor choices AND choose to still love them. The hypothetical situation with Jesus is MUCH easier. For many years, we shielded Elijah from the full information concerning this person because we worried about his capacity to process it and also continue a relationship with them. But as he got older (and SMARTER), we recognized that being upfront with him was the best way to go. He's such a sensitive, compassionate guy and took it all in stride, probably accepting the hard truth a lot better than many adults (Read: Me). Recently we were given the opportunity to contribute to the purchase of a small TV for this individual, in the hopes of easing the isolation and boredom of prison time. David and I quickly agreed and pitched in a small amount. As we were discussing this during a car ride, Elijah piped up from the back, "No one asked if I wanted to give any money!" D and I just looked at each other and David said, "Well Buddy, you CAN give money, but that is not something you have to do." Elijah insisted on an amount (HALF of what David and I had given!) and even though we gave him the option of decreasing his donation, he stood firm on what he wanted to contribute from his own funds. I was flabbergasted and moved beyond words. My sweet boy gave a gift to this person he has no recent memory of, not out of obligation, but out of selfless love. Out of a desire to maintain the threads of a challenging yet significant relationship. Oh, to have the grace and pardon of a child.
These examples clarified for me that what makes this season hard is also what makes it valuable. Like Meg said- Acknowledging "LOW points" have the ability to draw us closer, to help us understand what's actually worthwhile, is revelatory. The togetherness of Christmas brings that whole, complicated relational stew bubbling to the surface for some of us. But as messy and disappointing as certain connections can be, in other cases similar investments into friendship result in a tribe that carries us through. Deciding to love, instead of ignoring difficulty by backing away, is the crux of my faith AND the truest expression of Christmas. Jesus didn't come to earth to sing carols, decorate a tree, or exchange a bunch of brightly wrapped presents. He came to show His boundless love and support. He came to be WITH US. Not a festive, fake version of us, but the yuckiest, most real us on the inside. And we don't need to sugarcoat our broken lives (or bad attitudes!) to invite Him in; He's already at the door -even on MY undecorated porch- knocking.
And I understand this isn't a popular opinion, but it's genuine. Because forcing seasonal cheer isn't going to result in sincere good feels. Sometimes it can provoke the opposite: Prompting thoughts of ones NOT joining in our holiday celebrations for whatever reason. Loss, hurt, sickness, broken relationships. We don't all get precious Hallmark endings; this time of year *can serve* as a blatant reminder of that.
Considering that I suffer from said cynical bent, I'm *trying* to be intentional about gratitude this season. Obvs, as a middle-class, married, employed, white American girl, this shouldn't be too difficult. But I also tend towards rude behavior and whiny-ness, so that's a pregnant, whale-sized hurdle (Can you tell I'm gestating?) in developing a gracious perspective. Notwithstanding-two BIG examples broke through the callousness, so I wanted to share with the other Grinches out there.
1. Support.
In the beginning of November, my Mom, MIL, Besties, and G'ma, threw me a beautiful baby shower. And the earth showed up! Since I remain in this surreal space of not fully believing we're bringing home an actual baby in January, being surrounded by these hopeful, excited faces was an incredible boost to my psyche. I felt the presence of Jesus through this room of loving women. Then Meghan hushed the crowd (Quite a task!) with heartfelt words that spoke straight to my spirit-
Every single year that passes, I realize how lucky I am to have
a best friend like YOU. People just do NOT have what we have. You are
my PERSON. The one I want to talk to when I have the best news to share,
and the only one I want to cry to with the worst.
Unfortunately,
you and I have had too much sadness to endure in our lifetimes. But
I'd say that it's been those LOW points that has drawn us closer. Not
just us, but with our other precious friends as well. Our friendships
have been solidified in the heartbreaks of our realities.
We've
buried babies and husbands and life-long dreams. And all of those
moments in life made us truly ask ourselves, "Do we REALLY believe that
God is STILL good?" And then in the waiting, He would show us His
goodness. A Rainbow baby was born. A precious friend found love again. A
foster child's adoption started.
But I think
we can all agree, we did NOT see this one coming. God really showed off
this time. A baby, God? Growing inside her tummy, God? While she awaits
her Indian Princess? You are so good. We are so thankful. Thank you,
God.
Tears.Tears.Tears. Often Divine encouragement and wisdom looks a lot like the support of a godly friend who has been with you through thick and thin. Who can help you remember the good in the midst of the bad. Thank the Maker for ladies who are EXACTLY THAT to me.
2. Boundless Love.
Although I won't go into tremendous detail here, David and I have a relative who's struggled with addiction and incarceration over the past 5+ years. Currently they are in prison. And while it is one thing to embrace the verses in Matthew where Jesus says, "I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me," it is quite another to see the ravaging tornado of someone's mental illness and repeated poor choices AND choose to still love them. The hypothetical situation with Jesus is MUCH easier. For many years, we shielded Elijah from the full information concerning this person because we worried about his capacity to process it and also continue a relationship with them. But as he got older (and SMARTER), we recognized that being upfront with him was the best way to go. He's such a sensitive, compassionate guy and took it all in stride, probably accepting the hard truth a lot better than many adults (Read: Me). Recently we were given the opportunity to contribute to the purchase of a small TV for this individual, in the hopes of easing the isolation and boredom of prison time. David and I quickly agreed and pitched in a small amount. As we were discussing this during a car ride, Elijah piped up from the back, "No one asked if I wanted to give any money!" D and I just looked at each other and David said, "Well Buddy, you CAN give money, but that is not something you have to do." Elijah insisted on an amount (HALF of what David and I had given!) and even though we gave him the option of decreasing his donation, he stood firm on what he wanted to contribute from his own funds. I was flabbergasted and moved beyond words. My sweet boy gave a gift to this person he has no recent memory of, not out of obligation, but out of selfless love. Out of a desire to maintain the threads of a challenging yet significant relationship. Oh, to have the grace and pardon of a child.
These examples clarified for me that what makes this season hard is also what makes it valuable. Like Meg said- Acknowledging "LOW points" have the ability to draw us closer, to help us understand what's actually worthwhile, is revelatory. The togetherness of Christmas brings that whole, complicated relational stew bubbling to the surface for some of us. But as messy and disappointing as certain connections can be, in other cases similar investments into friendship result in a tribe that carries us through. Deciding to love, instead of ignoring difficulty by backing away, is the crux of my faith AND the truest expression of Christmas. Jesus didn't come to earth to sing carols, decorate a tree, or exchange a bunch of brightly wrapped presents. He came to show His boundless love and support. He came to be WITH US. Not a festive, fake version of us, but the yuckiest, most real us on the inside. And we don't need to sugarcoat our broken lives (or bad attitudes!) to invite Him in; He's already at the door -even on MY undecorated porch- knocking.
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