Lord, Preserve Us

Artwork courtesy of Allison Morris.  Visit her FB site by clicking here.

Life is a funny thing.  Depending on your outlook, it can either be the greatest treasure or the worst source of suffering.

Lately, I’ve been pondering verses that were significant during our adoption transfer to India.  You might remember my recent obsession with the biblical account of Joseph’s life.  His story crescendos when he, famed authority over Egypt’s resource & food conservation, reveals his identity to an audience seeking famine aid.  These disadvantaged folks also happened to be the brothers who sold Joe into slavery years before.  Oops, their bad.  Lucky for them, Jehovah grew Joseph THROUGH adversity, leading him to make this declaration in Genesis 50:20, “..You meant to harm me, but God intended it for a good purpose, so He could preserve the lives of many people.”  Spiritual bodyslam!

Then, my friend Ali custom-made the above artwork for us.  Gorgeous!  (Let it be known that she has 3 small children at home!!  Extra points for her finding time to do anything!)  We searched to incorporate a verse that resonated with our situation, ending up in good old Psalms.  Choosing the New Living translation was a no brainer (it’s our go-to), but later I was surprised to read NIV’s interpretation of the same passage, “Praise our God, all peoples, let the sound of His praise be heard; He has preserved our lives and kept our feet from slipping.”  And there was that word again: Preservation.

Honestly, the connection didn’t hit me until the middle of a sermon.  About a scaredy cat.  In Judges 6, Gideon’s response to God is ALL.OF.US!  Hostile outsiders have taken over his country, he is terrified -trying to surreptitiously (and unsuccessfully) thresh wheat at the bottom of a hole- and an angel shows up declaring “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.”  Um, to be clear, you're addressing the dude hiding out in a pit?  Yep.  And Gideon goes (v. 13), “Pardon me, but if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us?”  LOL-Exactly, Gideon!!  God drops some truth bombs, revealing His plan to use Gideon to rescue Israel.  But Gideon, still suspicious, puts God through a series of tests to prove Himself.  (Duh, He passed. G's "tests" must've seemed really dear in comparison to -say- parting the Red Sea.)  When Gideon realizes he’s ACTUALLY communicating with Yahweh, he experiences a minor breakdown -convinced he’ll be lightning-bolted for his audacity.  And then, my favorite verse, Judges 6:23, “‘It is all right,’ the Lord replied. ‘Do not be afraid. You will not die.’"

Merriam-Webster defines preserve as “to keep safe from injury, harm, or destruction.”  In other words, salvation.  Basically what God promised Gideon in Judges 6.  But -to state the obvious- Gideon was ANXIOUS about God’s plan.  He was unnerved because THE LORD was standing in front of him, pointing him down a very intimidating road.  (And P.S. Follow through was basically G’s only option, as one can’t really sneak away from a God who already located you.  In a hole.)  Likewise, if Joseph had forewarning about his dramatic journey, he probably would’ve shaken in his boots too.  The panoramic view is a bit much for our tiny minds.  But God, unconfined by the constraints of time, is constantly dredging our tumultuous life waters, salvaging wreckage.  He asks us to share our scars in service to others, to Him.  Sometimes His method of preserving us, of helping us gain our potential, is painful.  While it connects us on a relational level like nothing else, it also strips a spirit down and creates vulnerability.  This raw humanity is evidence that ONLY Jesus’ power accomplishes miracles.  That’s how cowards become warriors, how victims become victors, how slaves become rulers.

Wait.  Is this getting preachy?  Sorry-I love a dramatic build up.  Let me set the stage by recapping our story for you: Secondary infertility, unsuccessful medical procedures, Ethiopia adoption process, 4 years of waiting, suspended international adoptions in Ethiopia, India adoption process.  For brevity’s sake, I spared you details of All.The.Feels.  However, you can imagine.  One thing I will mention, a HUGE help and coping mechanism for me, was identifying my infertility grief.  Especially in not being able to biologically give Elijah a brother.  I named the little one in my head and heart, which helped this Mama move on.  But meanwhile my cousin, (a.k.a. sister) Rachel, was having a struggle of her own.  Rachel was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer a few years after getting married.  She did radiation and medicine to kill the beast.  To increase her medicine’s effectiveness she needed to continue the drug for 10 years, not 5 as she was originally told.  Which meant putting off trying for pregnancy even longer, nearly past the -excuse my doctor speak- “premium childbearing years.”  Rachel and her husband Jon had already traveled the world, hiked crazy canyons, and eaten global cuisine -now they were ready for a family.  Unfortunately, with a cancer diagnosis, most international adoption options (A draw because of their language fluency and ties in Mexico) were off the table.  On a whim, they looked into surrogacy and found it jived with their familial hopes and expectations.  So they began the process of finding someone to carry their child.  Starting in September 2013, life looked like: Agencies, lawyers, medical procedures, multiple failed surrogate connections.  Fast-forward to mid-2016, Rachel and Jon are burned out, frustrated, emotionally drained, and STILL without a gestational carrier.  Defeated.  Then, without any preamble, the phone rang on their 10th anniversary.  Spoiler Alert: It was THE call.  Best anniversary present ever: Their agency had found someone!!  On October 3rd of this year, Rachel and Jon’s twins -Henri and Evelena- were born.

Rachel and I bonded over mutual heartache.  Years of striving to add to our families fixed us tightly together.  Which is why when I saw the twins’ pictures and learned their names, I cried tears of long-sought joy.  But also something else.  My precious baby, the bio brother I couldn’t give to Elijah?  I had named him Henry.  This didn’t strike me until that Gideon sermon, right as our pastor recited verse 23, "'It is all right,' the Lord replied. 'Do not be afraid. You will not die.'"  You.Guys.  The VERY THING that brought me to my knees and made my days seem utterly unliveable, God had supernaturally transformed into a gift.  Some of you understand this heavy sorrow, having wounds so deep you question if you can survive them.  Hear me: You are NOT alone, God resides in these broken places.  He found Gideon at the bottom of a pit and He can certainly find you at the bottom of yours.  He loves redeeming big messes like me and you.  He excels at repackaging pain into perspective, changing disasters into deliverance.  That’s why I can’t help but preach a little.  Because my Jesus resuscitated a dream I’d given up on as lost.  Preserving me for an unexpected blessing: Henri finally in my life.

Henri and Lena.  The twins the surrogate carried for me....I mean for Jon and Rachel.