Tell Me What You Want

It is easy to see in others what we desire for ourselves.  The grass is greener mentality.  There is almost always something enviable within each of our personal connections.  Maybe it’s their lifestyle, family stage, financial comfort, or lack of obligations.  Whatever.  We (Read: I) can find at least ONE thing to inspire jealousy.  And they could do the same with us.  (Or perhaps “good people” do this a lot less than heathens like me.)

We frequently get compliments about Elijah.  He’s so easy, quiet, behaved.  Our days *must be* pretty structured and routine, simple to manage.  This is normally said with a little longing behind the eyes because many of our friends have multiple young ones.  After a gathering where a few parents discussed the difficulties of having several children, David pulled me aside.  “Is it stupid that all I want is to have 3 kids...and whatever problems come with them?”  No, it’s not.  And it’s not stupid for busy Mamas to desire the more organized, relaxed norm that comes with older kiddos.

Here’s the thing: It’s not hard for us to see the benefits in getting what we want.  Duh.  There are endless self-help books and pop songs(!) written about this.  Our issue is with the opposite: Not getting what we want.  Unanswered prayer.  Unfulfilled expectations.  Even privileged Americans don’t corner this market of malcontent.  (Although we ARE pretty whiny. Also, wine-y.  I prefer the second.)  Everyone is selfish by nature, entitled.  Hang out with a toddler for an afternoon if you disagree.  Culture and media perpetuate this innate, narcissistic mindset.  I DESERVE it.  And if it makes sense to us, it must be correct.  So getting what you want=Good, Rewarding, Right.  Which makes not getting what you want=Bad, Pointless, Wrong.

But that’s not the way JC works.  Entire portions of the Bible (a.k.a. Job and Psalms) delve deeply into suffering.  Trials (the life kind, not the Judge Judy kind) are heavily covered in the New Testament.  Because God didn’t create us to get what WE want, He created us to glorify Him.  That’s the goal.  Our circumstances provide the course (and sometimes the hurdles) in reaching said goal.

But doesn’t it seem like SOME people’s circumstances suck way less than ours?  I mean, seriously less suckage.  It is hard to reconcile in our little human brains.  Especially when the weight of suffering feels outrageously unfair.

I wish I had answers.  Or that’s what I told God the other night, when I was asking Him about our adoption wait.  Again.  But this time He revealed something new to me about the waiting, not necessarily the why.  I remembered specific faces we connected with BECAUSE of this waiting game.  Because I’ve become sensitive to seeing that in others.  Whether it is waiting to find a spouse, build a family, try another medical intervention, or restore a relationship.  No matter the details, the painful tedium of the wait is similar.  We can easily recognize fellow weary travelers, since nothing binds us together quite like shared personal experience.

My Mom is a breast cancer survivor.  15+ years now.  Obviously, we were devastated when she was diagnosed.  Getting through the chemo was hell.  But you know what?  That adversity developed her into the strongest prayer warrior I know.  She *may be* the last person on earth who actually sits down and handwrites encouragement cards to be snail mailed off to people in hard situations.  It’s become her thing, only because she understands being stuck in the middle of something horrific.  And whatever hope or help her letter writing may give to others is ultimately magnified even more since it glorifies God.  (Not to brag, but my Momma is going to have a BIG mansion in heaven!)

I hate that infertility, a complicated international adoption, frustration in foster care, and medically treated anxiety are all a part of our family story.  As I’ve said before-These things weren't part of MY plan, as I know they weren't necessarily part of God's original hopes for the world.  I don’t want any of them.  But God isn’t punishing me with any of them either.  Our planet is messed up; this stuff is part of that.  However, that doesn’t mean that our difficulties go to waste.  Jesus can use anything to glorify Him...that is, if we let Him.  And while I desire the busy that comes with several children, I’m trying to appreciate the quiet of just one right now.  I’m trying to see our waiting as an opportunity, an enlightenment, a revelation of countless others in similar circumstances.  And this, like so much of life, is a season.  A passing segment of time.  We can spend it wishing away our present, becoming hardened and bitter, or allow God to transform our disappointments into growth and common ground, a tool for spiritual connections.  The choice is ours alone.