Going Crazy for Christmas

So, it’s Christmas this week and yesterday I went to a doctor to speak about my anxiety.  Not exactly the seasonal experience I had planned.

We got a foster placement several weeks ago.  Long story short, this stubborn but dear little one hit so many parenting and adoption triggers for us that it pushed me to an emotional cliff.  Oh we LOVED her, but the toll of the other factors was mentally and physically draining.  Lucky for everyone, a great family connected as a new home for her.  But, as you can imagine, that’s hard too.  Honestly, the sense of shame and failure I feel about it all is huge.

When you’re broken up inside, you recognize it in others.  Especially this time of year.  Because there are the cute Christmas cards and then there’s real life.  I don’t know what it is about this season that puts extra pressure on people to be perfect.  To bake all the things.  To have the sweetest clothes for the kids.  It’s exhausting.  Especially for someone who can barely muster enough energy to floss at the end of the day.

As I was getting ready for my doctor’s appointment, I almost lost it laughing at myself.  There’s something truly hilarious about dressing nicely in order to explain to a doctor how messed up you are internally.  How hurt, anxious, and broken.  But this is what we do.  We try to look fine when we aren’t.  We think the holiday, or our family, or the church requires it of us.  And perhaps THEY do, which is complete and utter crap, but Jesus never does.

Jesus didn’t make it to a Christmas cantata because he was too busy getting born in a barn.  His crib was some bunched up straw in an animal trough.  The first visitors He had were unkempt shepherds from the outskirts of town, probably panting their boozy breath all over Mary.  Not exactly the cutest Christmas card.  But that was the plan.

God showed up in a mess.  Not in a palace or a spotless hospital room, but in a broken down shed with a bunch of animals.  Because US being perfection for Him was never going to work.  We’ll never measure up.  Never.  But that’s why He came.  Not to fix our outsides, but to redeem our insides.  

You see, it’s okay with Jesus if we aren’t okay.  You don’t have to put on a show for Him.  He already knows if you are hurting, hateful, or hopeless this Christmas.  He. Knows.  He wants to hear about it, to carry that load for you.  Just talk to Him; He's a wonderful counselor.  And don’t wear fancy clothes either, your sweatpants are fine.  They're probably better than what the shepherds were wearing anyways.