It's Never Enough: A Journey Towards Healthy Self Image

Like other girls in America, some mornings I dread that inescapable bathroom mirror.  Because, yep, it’s still me in there.  Same face, same body, same me.  And there are days when a visual reminder of that “sameness” reads like defeat.  As you can imagine, starting out submitting to feelings of failure isn’t the best jumping off point for motivation or inspiration.  However, I don’t think I’m stretching the truth when I say that many women begin each day exactly this way.

But why do we do this to ourselves?  I’d suggest it isn’t necessarily a conscious choice for most ladies, but instead a yielding to the lies we constantly get fed in society.  Because according to our culture: You are NEVER enough.  Something could always be different, better.  No matter if you’re short, tall, skinny, curvy, married, divorced, single, working, stay-at-home, retired.  Whatever.  There is SOMETHING missing from your life.  And once you attain that SOMETHING, there will be SOMETHING else.  It’s a life-long scramble you will never win.

Girls especially get hung up on the appearance thing.  Perhaps it’s part society, part biology, part mentality.  But left unchecked, It can add up to an incredible, crushing burden of comparison.

Since I am petite (or “hobbit-sized,” which is the preferred adjective in this nerdy house), I feel sensitive about voicing my struggles in this area.  Mostly because I am skinny.  This seems to be a direct door to happiness and contentment in many people’s books.  I appreciate what Glennon says about this falsehood in her memoir, Carry On, Warrior.  After receiving several complementary (but misinformed) statements about her “pulled together” family, she was baffled. “During our debriefing, Craig (her husband) and I developed a theory that if you are thin and smile a lot, people tend to believe that you have the universe’s secrets in your pocket and that a raindrop has never fallen on your head.  If you also happen to be wearing trendy jeans, well then, fuggedaboutit.”  And there’s the lie.  Because often appearances are deceiving.  A tidy house, cute pics on Instagram, and stylish clothing doesn’t equal personal fulfillment.  Sometimes they are simply a cover-up for the mess inside.

In her book Made to Crave, Lysa TerKeurst likens this inside/outside dichotomy to a partially baked cake.  After a cake cooks for awhile, it starts to look and smell delicious.  But removing it from the oven based solely on these superficialities is almost certain culinary doom.  If a cake is under baked, it WILL collapse.  Although it appears fabulous, the center isn’t strong enough to support it.  So it is for us.  We can laser focus on our outsides, while our core weakens and crumbles within us.

For me, I can tell I have “core” issues when I start looking outwardly for guidance.  When I feel swayed or competitive because of other people’s decisions or life choices.  This grasping for superficial control can manifest as a rigidity in parental expectations, diet, compassionate giving, or time scheduling.  Or the pendulum swings the opposite direction and it exhibits as an overindulgence in spending, social media, exercise, relationships, or food.  Now there is a proper time and place for some of these things (as in: Thanksgiving), but do a little soul searching before they become an intrinsic part of your life.  Ensure that your chosen habits aren’t a dependency, that you aren’t using them to fill a deeper need.  Because NOTHING outside of Jesus is going to complete you.  Denying yourself certain foods or substances can play a role in making you healthier.  Maintaining realistic relationship, financial, and exercise goals could make you less stressed.  But repeated permission or refusal of ANYthing (whether it be virtue, vice, or carb) will not make you whole inside.  Regardless of how much makeup you wear, how many miles you run, or who you are dating.  Only God can fill that void.

But these truths are difficult to remember at the end of a long day.  Or at the beginning of one.  Or while staring at your face *really closely* in a mirror wondering how Gwen Stefani could possibly be 12 years older than you and still look like she’s never crinkled her forehead by raising her perfectly manicured eyebrows.  Ahem.  Clearly some of us need a slap in the back of the noggin to get it.  Because WE, us, our disheveled, imperfect selves are chosen, lovely and loved children of God.  Our truest identity rests entirely in THAT unchangeable fact.  Not in a pants size, paycheck, or number of likes.  And if it sounds like I’m repeating myself, I am!  Repetition aids memory and for a particularly thick skull and slow brain like mine, the more times the better.  Also helpful?  Visible reminders of truth, like cue cards prompting constructive inner dialogue.  Perhaps a relevant verse placed over a location you are tempted to turn instead of Jesus: Your television, phone, treadmill, refrigerator.  Or maybe smack dab ON an item with the potential to make you feel less than/vulnerable to comparison: Your mirror, computer, scale.  None of these things are bad if you check your motivations first, hence the stuck-on Scripture.  Be intentional in this ongoing fight against yourself!  As Paul says in Romans 7 (verses 21, 24b-25a), “I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong…..Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death?  Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord.”

Culture says I’m not enough.  I’m short, my nose is a little big, my forehead too crinkly.  I don’t work sufficient hours at the library, or maybe (as a Mama) I work too many.  Our house is way old, slightly cluttered, and full of projects.  I don’t exercise intensely or eat an organic diet.  Most of my clothes are hand-me-downs from friends or consignment shop finds.  And the list goes on.  It’s so easy to become preoccupied with these superficialities, to assess life merely at face value.  After all, it’s the media’s rallying cry.  But society’s understanding of significance ends at the surface.  And fortunately our souls crave profound truth, not skin-deep ideology.  The only escape from this exhausting cycle of pretense and defeat is Jesus.  Ephesians 1:4-5 states, “Even before He made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes.  God decided in advance to adopt us into His own family by bringing us to Himself through Jesus Christ. This is what He wanted to do, and it gave Him great pleasure.”  God chose ME and loved ME before the creation of the world.  He adopted me; He’s my Father.  He knows me better than anyone.  Consequently if He says I’m beautiful, valuable, and cherished, I’d do well to believe Him.  Because His son died to prove it.  So yes, in His eyes, I’d say I’m more than enough.

Trying to view myself through the lens of I Peter 2:9.