Picture This: A Year of Waiting
I cannot believe this, but it has been A YEAR since our dossier was sent to Ethiopia! Which means we've been "officially" waiting for our daughter for 365 days (although, let's be real, we've been waiting much longer than that). There are so many emotions that come with this milestone: happiness, relief that we made it this far, and frustration that we still have so far to go.
But above everything, it's about love. I hope that someday our daughter can look back on these posts and sense our love for her seeping out of every word written. That it will be evident we'd have waited 100 thousand days, traveled innumerable miles, and endured even higher stacks of paperwork and government forms--just to be with her. Because, as crazy as it sounds, that is the truth.
In many ways, this past year has been a whirlwind. At times it raced by, though periodically it chose to mimic my morning behavior: lumbering and hostile. Most of all, it's been memorable. That cannot be argued. And although equating this journey to pregnancy isn't a perfect comparison, I do feel like we just finished up a pretty rough 1st trimester. Like a proud expecting Mama, I'd love to recount all the high (and low) points with you (Each heading is linked to its corresponding blog entry). Let's start with this time last year:
Dossier sent (July)!
This pack of paperwork represented 9+ months of David and I's work: appointments made, documents meticulously filled out, the tedious process of getting approvals. I would not be joking (okay, maybe a little) if I said that jumping through fiery hoops would have been easier. Obviously, the sense of accomplishment at its completion was huge. So you know how we roll, time to Par-tay!
Adoption pictures (September)!
Fresh off the "dossier-sending" high, our friend Chandra snapped some gorgeous shots of our family preparing to be whole. Her images perfectly captured our hope for the future, along with our family's goal to enjoy each second together NOW. We continue to be grateful for these snapshots of this singular moment in time. And as Chandra said after the session was done, I cannot wait for the day when we recreate these pictures...with our daughter included!
Closer to Home: A Chili Cookoff (November).
With the dossier sent, we knew the biggest part of our adoption "work" was done. We also knew that we needed to get the fundraising ball rolling. With the help of many and with the guidance of our stomachs, we planned the "Closer to Home Chili Cookoff." 20 different chilis, 1 incredible bluegrass band, and an amazing Adoption Store filled with donations of handmade goods and goodies made this an epic night. After all was said and done, we raised over $4000 because of our generous (and hungry ;) ) community. There have been several moments during this journey where the presence of God was so evident, it could NOT be ignored. This was one of those times. Friends, that night you were Jesus to our family and we will never forget it.
Another Christmas apart (duh-December).
This process evokes all kinds of feelings: the good, the bad, and (especially) the ugly! For some reason, holidays blend up all those difficult emotions and force feed them to you like an angry babysitter. Or at least that has been the case with us. And Christmas was certainly not an exception to this rule, although we tried to remain aware of the evidence of His work.
The longest month of the year (January).
January (I now use this word as a curse) 2014. This month the status of Ethiopia's international adoptions was completely up in air. As in, there was talk of the country closing up altogether. Dread and devastation doesn't begin to cover what our family was experiencing. I remember having a moment of wanting to keep this information from Elijah, who is so sensitive and beyond excited to meet his sister someday. But after I got the news, my red, puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks gave it away. He asked, "What's wrong, Mama?" And I told him that Ethiopia might not let us adopt his baby sister anymore. He ran into our back room and sobbed his heart out. The image is burned into my brain still today. That month we petitioned and prayed harder than ever before in our lives, but continued to be wracked with fear and uncertainty.
Hope and piece (end of January, beginning of February).
Finally the Ethiopian government came to a decision: To keep their country OPEN for international adoptions. We literally felt a weight lift from our shoulders and watched happiness creep back into our house. Praise Jesus! Corresponding with this wonderful news, we also finished our "Piece by Piece" fundraiser that had begun in November 2012. To have a list of everyone who participated in this fundraiser was both overwhelming and humbling. Many of the names we knew, but many we did not. Continued evidence that God was moving in more ways than we realized, even in the hearts of ones we've never met.
Long distance love (February).
Valentine's Day. Just the previous year, I had begun the tradition of writing our daughter a letter on this holiday. And on this Valentine's Day, we had a gift as well. A little mermaid doll made especially for her (inspired by MY favorite stuffed animal when I was young). It serves as a token, a tangible reminder around the house, to help us keep her in the forefront of our thoughts and prayers.
Family counseling (March).
As you can easily see, this 1st adoption year wasn't easy. The whole process finally began taking its toll on David and I. Under David's wise insistence, we started seeing a counselor....which was the best thing we could've done at this point. We rolled up our sleeves and dug in. It wasn't easy, but after some time (and LOTS of talking) we recognized each other again. We saw the person we fell in love with, the one who's such a great parent to Elijah and was crazy enough to embark on this adoption journey alongside of us. We were connected at last and it was the biggest relief.
A mentor for Mother's Day (May).
One of my favorite moments from this past year was meeting a super special fellow adoptive Momma, the fantastic author Jen Hatmaker! Hearing her speak at a conference I attended with some of my closest (sass mouthed) girlfriends was such a highlight for me! But it was also a wake up call and reminder that Jesus is the ONLY one worthy of my trust.
And that brings us to NOW. A year later. Summing up a difficult year of waiting in just a few closing paragraphs seems impossible, but I am going to try my hardest. Here's what we've learned so far: Adoption isn't easy, but neither is "normal" family life. If you are willing to fight for something, to embrace the struggle, you gain this incredible strength and character. It is NOT because YOU (Read: I) are so good or holy, but it is because God put it into your heart to care. He gave you a cause. And those who have this burden will not stop until they reach their goal. We are bringing our daughter home. Come hell or high water, this girl is ours.
Lastly, we're learning to trust. Granted sometimes we are learning it kicking and screaming, but we are sloooowly making progress. To hammer this in, our pastor just preached a sermon about "Living a Legacy." So often we talk about leaving a legacy, but his point was to live it out now. Don't wait around and hope your life can eventually make a difference; choose to radically enact change today. As I sat there listening to his message, the words I heard racing across my brain were, "Live by faith, not by fear."
Fear kills opportunities for faith. We worry over things and completely stall any forward progress we might have made. Upon starting this adoption process, our biggest concern was MONEY. Adoption is stinking expensive and we don't have giant piles of cash just laying around to swim in Scrooge McDuck style. Here's what happened: A bunch of financially strapped people (just like us) helped raise nearly $30,000 dollars for our adoption in less than a year. Most of the gifts were given in 20 dollar increments or less. Jesus basically karate chopped our financial fears in the face. As He is in the business of doing, He flipped our "informed" ideas on their heads. After we weathered January's adoption storms, I realized that I was putting my faith for our adoption in the bank account. Like if we have enough money, then everything will be fine. And God called me on that. My knees were worn out by the end of the month, but I was confident in where my trust lay.
I hope that David and I are living a legacy in front of Elijah. Obviously, we aren't perfect (or even very patient at times) and this is hard to do. But once in awhile, he does something amazing that makes me think we aren't screwing everything up too badly. For Christmas he got a big laminated world map for his wall (being the overachievers we are, it *finally* got hung up last month) and a few expo markers to write on it. And the very first thing he did was scrawl "Love" across the country of Ethiopia. Be still my heart. Not to brag, but that sounds like the beginning of a legacy to me. One that we cannot wait to teach our daughter all about.
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But above everything, it's about love. I hope that someday our daughter can look back on these posts and sense our love for her seeping out of every word written. That it will be evident we'd have waited 100 thousand days, traveled innumerable miles, and endured even higher stacks of paperwork and government forms--just to be with her. Because, as crazy as it sounds, that is the truth.
In many ways, this past year has been a whirlwind. At times it raced by, though periodically it chose to mimic my morning behavior: lumbering and hostile. Most of all, it's been memorable. That cannot be argued. And although equating this journey to pregnancy isn't a perfect comparison, I do feel like we just finished up a pretty rough 1st trimester. Like a proud expecting Mama, I'd love to recount all the high (and low) points with you (Each heading is linked to its corresponding blog entry). Let's start with this time last year:
This pack of paperwork represented 9+ months of David and I's work: appointments made, documents meticulously filled out, the tedious process of getting approvals. I would not be joking (okay, maybe a little) if I said that jumping through fiery hoops would have been easier. Obviously, the sense of accomplishment at its completion was huge. So you know how we roll, time to Par-tay!Adoption pictures (September)!
Fresh off the "dossier-sending" high, our friend Chandra snapped some gorgeous shots of our family preparing to be whole. Her images perfectly captured our hope for the future, along with our family's goal to enjoy each second together NOW. We continue to be grateful for these snapshots of this singular moment in time. And as Chandra said after the session was done, I cannot wait for the day when we recreate these pictures...with our daughter included!
Closer to Home: A Chili Cookoff (November).
With the dossier sent, we knew the biggest part of our adoption "work" was done. We also knew that we needed to get the fundraising ball rolling. With the help of many and with the guidance of our stomachs, we planned the "Closer to Home Chili Cookoff." 20 different chilis, 1 incredible bluegrass band, and an amazing Adoption Store filled with donations of handmade goods and goodies made this an epic night. After all was said and done, we raised over $4000 because of our generous (and hungry ;) ) community. There have been several moments during this journey where the presence of God was so evident, it could NOT be ignored. This was one of those times. Friends, that night you were Jesus to our family and we will never forget it.
Another Christmas apart (duh-December).
This process evokes all kinds of feelings: the good, the bad, and (especially) the ugly! For some reason, holidays blend up all those difficult emotions and force feed them to you like an angry babysitter. Or at least that has been the case with us. And Christmas was certainly not an exception to this rule, although we tried to remain aware of the evidence of His work.
The longest month of the year (January).
January (I now use this word as a curse) 2014. This month the status of Ethiopia's international adoptions was completely up in air. As in, there was talk of the country closing up altogether. Dread and devastation doesn't begin to cover what our family was experiencing. I remember having a moment of wanting to keep this information from Elijah, who is so sensitive and beyond excited to meet his sister someday. But after I got the news, my red, puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks gave it away. He asked, "What's wrong, Mama?" And I told him that Ethiopia might not let us adopt his baby sister anymore. He ran into our back room and sobbed his heart out. The image is burned into my brain still today. That month we petitioned and prayed harder than ever before in our lives, but continued to be wracked with fear and uncertainty.
Hope and piece (end of January, beginning of February).
Long distance love (February).
Valentine's Day. Just the previous year, I had begun the tradition of writing our daughter a letter on this holiday. And on this Valentine's Day, we had a gift as well. A little mermaid doll made especially for her (inspired by MY favorite stuffed animal when I was young). It serves as a token, a tangible reminder around the house, to help us keep her in the forefront of our thoughts and prayers.
Family counseling (March).
A mentor for Mother's Day (May).
One of my favorite moments from this past year was meeting a super special fellow adoptive Momma, the fantastic author Jen Hatmaker! Hearing her speak at a conference I attended with some of my closest (sass mouthed) girlfriends was such a highlight for me! But it was also a wake up call and reminder that Jesus is the ONLY one worthy of my trust.
And that brings us to NOW. A year later. Summing up a difficult year of waiting in just a few closing paragraphs seems impossible, but I am going to try my hardest. Here's what we've learned so far: Adoption isn't easy, but neither is "normal" family life. If you are willing to fight for something, to embrace the struggle, you gain this incredible strength and character. It is NOT because YOU (Read: I) are so good or holy, but it is because God put it into your heart to care. He gave you a cause. And those who have this burden will not stop until they reach their goal. We are bringing our daughter home. Come hell or high water, this girl is ours.
Lastly, we're learning to trust. Granted sometimes we are learning it kicking and screaming, but we are sloooowly making progress. To hammer this in, our pastor just preached a sermon about "Living a Legacy." So often we talk about leaving a legacy, but his point was to live it out now. Don't wait around and hope your life can eventually make a difference; choose to radically enact change today. As I sat there listening to his message, the words I heard racing across my brain were, "Live by faith, not by fear."
Fear kills opportunities for faith. We worry over things and completely stall any forward progress we might have made. Upon starting this adoption process, our biggest concern was MONEY. Adoption is stinking expensive and we don't have giant piles of cash just laying around to swim in Scrooge McDuck style. Here's what happened: A bunch of financially strapped people (just like us) helped raise nearly $30,000 dollars for our adoption in less than a year. Most of the gifts were given in 20 dollar increments or less. Jesus basically karate chopped our financial fears in the face. As He is in the business of doing, He flipped our "informed" ideas on their heads. After we weathered January's adoption storms, I realized that I was putting my faith for our adoption in the bank account. Like if we have enough money, then everything will be fine. And God called me on that. My knees were worn out by the end of the month, but I was confident in where my trust lay.
I hope that David and I are living a legacy in front of Elijah. Obviously, we aren't perfect (or even very patient at times) and this is hard to do. But once in awhile, he does something amazing that makes me think we aren't screwing everything up too badly. For Christmas he got a big laminated world map for his wall (being the overachievers we are, it *finally* got hung up last month) and a few expo markers to write on it. And the very first thing he did was scrawl "Love" across the country of Ethiopia. Be still my heart. Not to brag, but that sounds like the beginning of a legacy to me. One that we cannot wait to teach our daughter all about.
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