I Have a Dream

You ever have a dream so vivid it affects you even after you awake from it?  Like you get mad at your spouse because he dream-cheated on you?  Or you sleep-sing with your favorite band and wake up feeling like a million bucks (and like you need to dress in leather pants?).  Maybe this is just me.

My dream life has always been colorful to say the least.  As I remember, pregnancy made it even more so.  Veteran adoptive parents claimed that adoption could produce similar changes.  I was skeptical because, despite the way I sometimes act or feel, my hormones are not actually experiencing any *real* fluctuations (Cue David coughing loudly).  Sure enough though after beginning the process, I started seeing some crazy stuff when I closed my eyes at night.  Some of it is hopeful.  Some of it is downright disturbing.  My most recent dream was noteworthy; I felt a strong urge to share it with you here.

The dream.  I could see our daughter’s birth parents in Ethiopia.  They had a house, but the details are fuzzy.  They threw our daughter out in the middle of the lawn in front of their house.  She lay there, helpless and abandoned.  We could see her, we just couldn’t get to her right away.  It felt like an eternity, but we finally arrived.  I scooped up this precious bundle in my arms, put my cheek on hers, and kept whispering in her ear, “You are valuable.  You are loved.  You are valuable.  You are loved.”  My heart.  I woke up, insides torn to shreds.  And of course, I inadvertently started sabotaging my family’s morning because of feeling so crappy.

These orphaned children are really screwing me up.

I think of a story relayed by my friend Kris, who is also adopting from Africa and has several trips to Uganda under her belt.  She is fantastic at sign language and has partnered with a school called Boanerges Deaf Initiative in Kawempe, Uganda.  Since the children at this school are deaf, many have been abandoned or ill-treated by their family members.  On her trips, she brings all the supplies she can get her hands on in order to equip and bless these sweet children who have so little.  Here’s Jonathan’s story, in Kris’ words:  

“I saw a boy who, because of his disability, had grown up chained to a tree and treated like an animal.  Because of his chains, the bones in his legs grew incorrectly, making it difficult for him to walk. I watched as Pastor Joel, the man who founded BDI and ultimately is responsible for the kids, put a pair of shoes on his feet for the very first time. All of the other children cheered him on with sign language applause as he took his first awkward steps with shoes on his feet...It was such a powerful moment.”

Jonathan getting his first pair of shoes!

Take a moment to digest that.  This is real life for orphaned and abandoned kids around the globe.  I mean, how can children who start their lives this way EVER possibly grow up to feel loved or valued?  That kind of abandonment has the potential to wreck your life.

But even these tragic cases don’t corner the market on suffering.  Here in the good old USA we have plenty of struggles of our own.  Broken marriages and families.  Neglect and abuse.  There is enough state-side fodder drifting around to make many of us feel worthless or incapable of being loved.

I hate not having solutions for these big questions.  The “whys” can plague our thoughts.  Especially when you have a strong belief in a good God, a loving Savior.  Jesus, why do some suffer so severely?  Will their hearts ever recover or be able to experience love in a healthy way (Apparently, these are the questions haunting MY dreams at night!)?  The stark possibilities (and sometimes realities) of life can eat away at your faith, making you feel overwhelmed or helpless about producing worthwhile, lasting change.

I don't think there is a perfect, all encompassing answer regarding this.  But here’s a tiny glimmer of hope: The past doesn’t have to define the future.  It doesn’t have to dictate the type of person we become.  Our importance as a human being has nothing to do with how others have treated us (although, obviously, having a little love in your life can be a huge factor in building a positive self-image).  As I said in a post long ago:

“Our worth is not determined by anything WE accomplish.  You are valuable because God says it is true.  Not because you have a husband, baby, or awesome career.  You are beautiful because God says it is true...It is not about things we have done or have had done to us.  ‘But YOU are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.’ -1 Peter 2:9 (emphasis mine).  Notice it doesn’t say, ‘But IF you do this....then you are chosen.’  God loves you; He’s chosen you just as you are.  Not because of anything you have or haven’t done, but because of Jesus’ redemptive work.”

But a fat lot of good that truth does if WE aren’t lovingly speaking it into people’s lives.  And speaking it in ways they can understand.  Which means: Don’t hand a hungry, homeless man a gospel tract, hand him a sandwich.  Don’t preach at the scared, pregnant teenager, drive her to her doctor’s appointment.  The issues hounding some people are SO LOUD, unless their problems are addressed first--nothing else you say or do will matter.  Remember, actions speak louder than words.  Be like Kris, invested and involved in changing lives for the better.  Because I guarantee with every new shoe placed on weary feet, with every no-strings-attached service performed, with every meal served and every embrace given, those voices of past regrets, wounds, or failures grow quieter.  And then the voice of the Father can finally be heard above life’s noise:  “You are valuable.  You are loved.”