Bite Your Tongue

Our house is built upon strong opinions.  They are voiced loudly and frequently within these walls.  For instance, ice cream.  If you don’t posses an overwhelming, slightly obsessive love for this frozen food of the gods, it’s pretty much confirmation that you are not our kind of person (and also, that you should really do some soul searching).  Recent and hilarious evidence of this: Elijah’s side of a heated phone conversation with David, "Daddy, I read in a book today that Barack Obama, our president, doesn't like ice cream.......SERIOUSLY-I know, I was like 'What?!?’.....This is the United States of America......His taste buds are WRONG!"  David and I were laughing so hard.  Elijah was STILL not over it that night, he sat down to dinner shaking his head and said, “Barack Obama is crazy.”  Politics aside (obviously), the boy just couldn’t get behind someone who didn’t share his love for a cone of frosty goodness.

Two words, Mr. President: Sweet. Frog.

But the root of the matter is: We are all this way (to a point).  Our opinions are strong, Elijah-sized.  And many times we voice them like there is NO plausible alternative….or at least not a good or righteous one.  As I read once, “There are two ways of looking at things-My way or the wrong way!”  Hilarious?  Yes!  Worthy of repeating to your spouse at least one time?  Yes!  Tender and grace-filled?  Probably not.

Here’s the problem, sometimes we confuse our opinions (or as a Jesus-follower, our convictions) with the ONLY RIGHT WAY.   Admittedly, it is wise to use the Bible paired with our convictions and good counsel (from the pulpit, literature, and otherwise) to guide us forward with life decisions.  That method can certainly pinpoint the best way for us.  But even though I think the Bible specifically spells many things out, you may read those scriptures differently than I do (in which case, you’d be reading them incorrectly ;) ).  You see the rub here?  Ultimately, a lot of good (and a lot of peace) could come from us just recognizing the existence (hey-even the validity?!) of other’s viewpoints.  

Coming from a faith background, this *may* sound wishy-washy to you.  Before you call Billy Graham and ask him to intervene on my behalf, let me explain.  I DO believe in absolutes.  Jesus’ deity.  His perfect, redeeming sacrifice as the ONLY WAY to get to heaven.  Our call (as believers) to love our neighbors, feed the hungry, clothe the naked.  Can’t really compromise on that stuff.  But when our “Christian” community allows their stance on other issues to impede people’s ability to recognize Jesus through them, it gets murky.  From the big things like politics and welfare, to the smaller stuff like birth control or body adornment--these are the soapboxes that some people will never climb down from.  

You know who I am talking about.  Social media has turned the volume waaay up on opinion sharing.  We all have at least 1 person clogging up our Facebook feed with their rants about something (Ooops, is it me and my adoption posts?).  Here’s my point: When this becomes the rule (rather than the exception) within our family of faith, it serves to isolate people rather than attract them.  This concept is voiced so beautifully in the Casting Crowns' song, “Jesus, Friend of Sinners” (lyric video at end of blog):

Nobody knows what we're for, only what we're against,

When we judge the wounded.

What if we put down our signs, crossed over the lines,

 And loved like You did?

Jesus, friend of sinners,

Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing fingers.

Let our hearts be led by mercy.

Help us reach with open hearts and open doors.

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks yours.

I’m not saying that there isn’t an appropriate time to share your convictions.  And certainly, we are charged to speak the truth of Jesus in love.  But when love gets thrown out the door and we start lashing out like an animal backed into a corner, we perpetuate a very unattractive stereotype of believers.

Let me tell you-Our adoption has helped teach us a valuable lesson.  And perhaps we were motivated by the wrong reason (As in: Really needing the encouragement and support of others during this process!), but we learned it regardless.  To put it bluntly: Bite your tongue.  Or in nicer terms: Let your words BUILD bridges, not burn them.  David and I live in a tiny, rural community where conservative politics and religion are kinda the norm.  You may have noticed, but that’s not really how we roll.  And I would be lying if I didn’t acknowledge that sometimes it is very difficult to swim against the flow.  To disagree with close friends.  To have untrue assumptions made about our beliefs.  Yep, it is really hard.  But the discourse we get to have because of our differences has become precious to us.  It is eye opening to sit down and have honest conversations with people who share different opinions than your own.  Yes, you can do this without yelling (or blasting anyone on Facebook).  And perhaps you (or they) won’t leave the discussion feeling changed, but what a gift to walk away informed rather than insulted.

I think the powerful slogan promoting equality for individuals with autism also applies to those with dueling opinions, “Different, not less.”  If only we could remember that piece of wisdom in ALL our interactions.  Jesus doesn’t want anyone to retreat from his disciples feeling three inches tall because of a smack down they were given with our Bible kung-fu (Well, maybe the Pharisees were the *one* exception to this rule).  Example from John 8:3-11:

    “As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and Pharisees brought a women they had caught in the act of adultery.  They put her in front of the crowd.  ‘Teacher,’ they said to Jesus, ‘this woman was caught in the very act of adultery.  The law of Moses says to stone her.  What do you say?’  They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger.  They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, ‘All right, stone her.  But let those who have never sinned throw the first stones!’  Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.  When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman.  Then Jesus stood up again and said to her, ‘Where are your accusers?  Didn’t even one of them condemn you?’  ‘No, Lord,’ she said.  And Jesus said, ‘Neither do I.  Go and sin no more.’”

I. Love. This.  My favorite speculation about this passage is that when Jesus knelt down in the dirt, he was writing the secret sins of the accusers who were condemning the woman.  Regardless, it was those in the “right” who walked away with their tails in between their legs (Take that, Pharisees!).  Jesus’ truth is personal, spoken directly to our hearts.  He isn’t looking for a crowd of people (or a bunch of “likes” or “shares”) to validate it, He looks only to his Father.  Instead of whipping the crowd into a frenzy, Jesus chose the gracious understatement.  And by this show of mercy, I believe that wretched, humiliated woman was forever changed.  

Let the same be said of us.  Please God, Let our words attract, not isolate.  Help us to speak the truth in love and not out of malice or fear.  And ultimately God let us reflect you, our merciful Savior, who chose to extend grace rather than enact immediate judgement (even though that is what we ALL deserve).  Amen.

“Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.”--Hebrews 12:14