Adoption: The Second Best Option?

If you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m a little over the top.  Guilty of strong emotional responses to certain things.  Especially things close to my heart.  Okay- you got me, especially about adoption.

I’ve been in several social situations lately where adoption was brought up.  And I found myself frustrated by a few people’s reactions.  Sometimes (after hearing about a family’s choice to adopt) there was the response of “Oh, weren’t they able to have any children of their own?” (for other questions to avoid, click here).  To me this statement says: Not only is the adopted child not the family’s OWN CHILD, they considered adoption merely because of a physical incapability to produce biological children.  To summarize: Adoption is a last resort, a second best option.  Arrrrgggghhhh, this really brings out the Mama Bear in me!

Now some families *may be* drawn to adoption because of fertility issues, but should that result in a blanket judgment made about all adoptive families’ health or reproductive abilities?  Adoption, for WHATEVER reason you choose it, is an awesome way to increase your family.  It is a blessing, just as biological family building is.  Perhaps in the future when I find out people are pregnant, I’ll put on my most pitying face and say, “Oooh, they’re pregnant?  Is it because they couldn’t adopt?” (Of course I WON’T do that.  Do you see how rude it sounds?).

Here’s why I feel so strongly about this: I NEVER want my daughter to feel like a second choice.  Like an unwelcome or less valued part of our family.  So excuse me if I feel like punching people who inadvertently (let alone intentionally) devalue adoption.  Our daughter is OUR DAUGHTER.  The end.

Elijah is taking karate now.  He may LOOK calm, but he can throat chop people who diss adoption!

Ahhhhh, parenting.  It brings so many joys and frustrations.  But one thing David and I LOVE about being parents is how much better we now understand the Father heart of God.  The desire He has for his children to KNOW Him and to live thoughtful, healthy, abundant lives.  Our hopes for Elijah mirror God’s hopes for us (duh, He created it to work that way!).  And I’ve heard many parents echo that sentiment after having a child.  As a new mother or father, I think you are motivated (sometimes out of fear concerning your child’s future!) towards a deeper spiritual understanding.  It’s like, “Okay God, we get it.  We love you and want to know you better.  We believe You have our best interests in mind…...now can you make sure my kid grows up to like me too?”

But here’s what I’ve missed up until this point: God is crazy about adoptive parenting.  He kinda invented it.  It’s literally ALL over the Bible.  But before I prove my point, let me tell you (from my limited experience) a little about adoption:

First of all, adoption is love.  Over the moon, swim across the ocean, walk on fire love.  Which, of course, you MUST already have for your future child or you wouldn’t be doing any of this.  Adoption is expensive.  Not only will you pay from your bank accounts, you will pay by the huge strains on your time and emotions.  You will pay in relationships, as some people will NOT understand your passion for a child you’ve never met.  Adoption is unpredictable.  When you eventually meet your child, they may have a hard time adjusting to life in your home.  Because they have been so used to living without, they may feel the need to stockpile food from your full refrigerator in their room.  They may choose to sleep on the floor instead of on the soft bedding you so carefully chose for them.  They may have difficulty bonding with you, since they’ve been abandoned by many adults in their short life.  You cannot force your love-the amazing life you have in store-on your child.  They have to choose.  So, adoption is patient hope.  It’s the prayer that your child will accept your love.  That the scarcity of their past will not hinder their ability to receive blessings in the future.  It’s the ultimate hope they will embrace their place as a cherished equal at the family table.

Now, see how that lines up with what God (from His vast experience) says about adoption (My additions are between the <>, everything else is straight from Scripture):

“For God loved the world so much (John 3:16), <He> decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure (Ephesians 1:5).  <So> God bought you with a high price (1 Corinthians 6:20), yes, by God's grace, Jesus tasted death for everyone.  So now Jesus and the ones he makes holy have the same Father. That is why Jesus is not ashamed to call them his brothers and sisters (Hebrews 2:9b,11).  For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, ‘Abba! Father!’  The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God (Romans 8:15-16).  You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light (I Peter 2:9)."

Amen.  I’m so glad Jesus didn’t consider adoption a “second best” way to add me into his family.  God desires US to be His sons and daughters.  He doesn’t want us to return as slaves to our old ways or fears again; we are HIS children, bought at a price and chosen for greatness.  All we have to do is accept His sacrificial love and He welcomes us with open arms into the best adoptive family ever.  Sounds like home to me.