A Change would do YOU Good

I hate change.  You may have been fooled based on the words of my last post.  Social action, justice, and change for the better IN THE WORLD are more than okay.  But try to propose a change in this household?  I will hurt you.

Some people thrive on change.  They enjoy a room’s “newness” after moving their furnishings around.  Relocating to a different home/city is like an adventure.  They are thrilled and challenged at the prospect of learning new information.  I am SO not like that.  Rearranging furniture seems like a punishment.  For me, change is an upheaval of normal, an upset to the natural balance of things.

Aversion to change goes hand in hand with control freak tendencies.  Since change cannot be controlled, it makes me nervous (and yes, I do realize that my ability to control life’s circumstances is as effective as Elijah’s ability to become invisible upon squinting his eyes.  Nevertheless, I still enjoy thinking things to death).  Does this sound familiar to anyone....anyone (Bueller?)?  Well...let me spell it out a little more, here are the stages of adjustment I go through when dealing with change (be prepared for weirdness):

Initial Excitement:  This is the fun part.  A decision is on the cusp of being made.  David and I ponder all the good possibilities.  It is exciting to consider the amazing outcomes that the adoption/new house/whatever could bring to our family.  There’s lots of high-pitched, fast talking and clapping from me in this stage.  Then we pull the trigger and actually MAKE the decision, which causes the....

What If Stage:  Now that the decision ball is rolling, worry, doubt, and fear creep in.  It is easy to get overwhelmed with all the bad things that COULD happen.  What if we can’t pay our mortgage?  What if the Ethiopian government doesn’t want to let us adopt one of their children?  What if Nutella stops being produced and we all go into a deep depression?  These questions roll over my brain in waves until the day of....

Actual Transition:  The house is bought.  The papers are signed.  Adoption documents are notarized.  This is actually happening.  The previous comfortable reality has been changed.  Now the process of dealing with the new normal starts.  Usually the first couple of weeks I am stressed, being the bull in a china shop of change.  But then the world keeps spinning, life keeps happening and....

Normal Resumes:  Finally.  Until the next big change happens....

Ring any bells?  Some of you are nodding and others are ready to call Dr. Phil on me.    Listen, by acknowledging my struggle through these steps, I’m not saying it is okay.  Living with the most laid back man on the planet has taught me that life doesn’t have to be so emotionally exhausting.  And Jesus agrees.  One of my favorite verses (2 Timothy 1:7) says, “For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”  This sentiment HAS to be based on trust and not worry.  Trust that making a thoughtful change can be for our best interest.  Trust that the ones who collaborated with us in decision making will not leave us by the wayside during its outcome.  Trust that ultimately God (not you or me) has complete control over everything, even the stressful circumstances of our lives.

Perhaps I’m preaching the the choir here, but sometimes it is good to be reminded of the basics (Meaning: I need to be reminded of the basics!).  Especially considering we’ve just introduced a BIG change at our house this past week.  And when I say big, I mean 110 pounds big.  As in- we got a GIANT dog, an American Bulldog.  His name is Bronx (although I call him “The Bronx” because he’s so big he deserves his own zip code) and he is almost 3.

David and I have known for awhile we wanted to get another dog.  When we were first married, we had a Shetland Sheepdog named Rembrandt-my dog from childhood.  Elijah, unfortunately, never got to meet Rembrandt and we often questioned whether we would find another dog as well behaved as him.  Over the past couple months the issue resurfaced.  We decided that once our adoption documents were sent to Ethiopia, we would celebrate by getting our family an older dog to help pass the time while we waited for our daughter. 

Rembrandt-our sweet first dog!

Then we found out about Bronx.  The timing wasn’t exactly perfect (our papers aren’t quite on their way to Ethiopia yet, hopefully by late summer they will be), but he satisfied our requirements.  An older, trained dog who is good with kids and a breed that pleases both of our particular tastes (which means David wanted a werewolf and I wanted Benji.  We compromised with Bronx).  Regardless of the “full family approval” he received after our first introduction, you can only imagine (based on what you’ve read above) how this accelerated dog timetable wreaked havoc on my emotions.

Bronx-the really BIG baby!!

The day before we were going to bring Bronx home, I was taking solace in Neflixing some reality TV.  Seriously, there is something completely soothing about watching other people’s screwed up lives.  Anyways.  In the show I was watching, a doctor said something I had never heard before.....so I immediately went to the internet to confirm its veracity.  He said that when a baby is born her circulatory system has to begin working differently than it did in the womb.  Once the umbilical cord is cut and baby takes her first breath, her lungs fill with air and her heart now pumps in an altered way in order to supply her newly functioning organs with blood.  A baby literally has to have a change of heart in order to survive after birth.  

This struck me straight to my core.  The fact is: We ALL need a change of heart to survive.  And I’m not just talking about Jesus here (although, it is an easy segue).  Growth, learning,  brokenness, healing--not only are these inescapable parts of human existence, they ALL require change.  For us to keep up, we can’t remain stagnant.  Or, as my Dad once told me, “You can’t steer a ship that’s not moving.”  Stand up, shake it off.  Make some room in your heart for change.  Take a lesson from that newborn: sometimes things (sometimes WE) have to start working differently in order to survive.

I desperately hope to apply this.  I want the Laura you meet today to be a more honest, loving, generous, Jesus follower than she was 10 years ago.  I want to want to change (does this even make sense?), but learning is hard.  All I know is that God will not ignore a willing spirit.  My little Elijah is the perfect illustration of this, being like me (adverse to change) in so many ways.  The first night of being a skeptical dog owner, he prayed, “God, Please help Bronx to get used to our family and (more importantly) help our family get used to Bronx.”  Oh to have the willing and flexible heart of a child.

Please change my heart Lord, make me more like You.  “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”- 2 Corinthians 5:17.

 

Me, being the picture of calmness in the midst of change!