Big Brothers, Big Sisters

Having a child clarifies things.  Before Elijah was here, I hardly recognized what a self-centered person I was (I say “was” like it is in the past tense.  Let’s be honest- I’m still  pretty self-centered, but I feel WAY worse about it now).  Hearing his first cry in the delivery room made it real.  Here’s a little person, a manifestation of David's and my love, who needed our help to survive.  Whoa.  Talk about a wake up call!  Life was no longer the David and Laura show (Although, it would be great reality TV!).  There was this kid now-announcing his presence by simultaneously crying, pooping, and spitting up-and he was ours.  

You parents know, you’ll do anything for your child.  This was clearest to me when 2 year old Elijah and I took a road trip to visit my grandparents in Virginia.  The drive is about 3 hours long and we were halfway through when I heard his little voice (again).  “Mama, have it!”  His hand was stretched up towards the front seat.  I, of course, opened my hand to his--ready to accept his gift.  Which was a booger.  I think I may even have said, “Thank you?!”  Further illustration of the lengths we will go to accommodate our children.  

We want to give Elijah every opportunity (within reason) to succeed.  Since he was born a white, extremely handsome (acknowledged bias here), middle-class male in America, he’s (statistically speaking) doing pretty well already (We won’t even discuss the stats of orphaned females born in Ethiopia because, well, it’s bleak by comparison).  However our objective is NOT to spoil our son, although being the recipient of 100% of our attention for 5 ½ years will probably have some longstanding effects (one being an extreme bent towards all things nerdy and Star Wars).  The goal, our prayer for him, is that he grows up to be a man who seeks Jesus and respects other people.  The end.  

In my opinion, having a sibling is a MAJOR step towards learning respect for others.  Being an older sister myself, I realize that this love/respect can initially look a lot like irritation/annoyance.  I DO understand that some firstborns can make the transition to big brother/sister beautifully.  But we’d be fooling ourselves by assuming Elijah will be all sweetness and light upon the arrival of his little sister.  He already asks us, several times a month, about the security of his Legos after sister gets home.  “What if she puts them in her MOUTH?”, he says with the same level of horror and disgust that my family uses to reference my vegetarian “meat” products.  So we get it, the IDEA of having a little sister is much easier than the reality of one (Pictures below of David and I with our "little" siblings, who most certainly stole our toys).

Lego fears aside, Elijah is going to be an amazing older brother.  As is his nature, he is constantly asking questions about her--where she lives, what she will look like, and when will she be coming home?  Consequently, Africa and Ethiopia are now being woven into many of our daily conversations.  After discovering rhinoceros (how do you pluralize that word-  Rhinoceri?) live in Ethiopia, he (jealously) asked, “Will my baby sister get to see one?”  And whenever he learns a new moniker that strikes his fancy, he officially names the baby.  Here’s her running tally of names:  Rihanna (yes, the pop singer -or- apparently a girl in Elijah’s Sunday School class), Teeti (not sure about this one), Rocco, Mitt Romney (in his mind, a serious name contender), Janet (David’s mom’s name), and Kinder Rock (which is the name of his Sunday School program).

Elijah’s interest in his sister has caused us to be intentional about discussing certain things.  Specifically the fact that not all children are born into the abundance many Americans enjoy.  While detailed explanations of worldwide hunger or poverty would be burdensome for a 5 year old, gratitude and generosity are values no kid is too young to learn.  So we talk to Elijah about children who don’t have toys or the safety of a home like ours.  We attend fundraisers for other families who are adopting.  We try to participate in events like One Meal-One Day, which bring attention to the needs of children around the world (happening on March 27th, money raised will feed children in Ethiopia!).  This is easy stuff folks, not Mother Teresa territory by any means.  The desire is for our family to have an open dialogue about how to respond to the tough things, how to pray and provide for the less fortunate.  If Elijah grows up feeling blessed and not entitled, we’ve succeeded.    

Many of you know that choosing to parent this way is an uphill battle.  Trying to instill these values in our children is not only hard, it’s counter-cultural.  It helps if once in awhile your kid does an amazing, show-offy thing to give you an ego boost.  Like the other day, when Elijah and I were discussing some of the questions we talk about in the video below.  After he listed off some similarities in himself and his sister, I asked him to explain the differences between the two of them.  Age and gender were the quick answers.  Then after some concentrating he says with a shrug, “Oh and our skin will be two different colors.”  So nonchalant.  What the rest of the world will point out as the most glaringly obvious (but superficial) difference in our family members is something Elijah noted only as an afterthought.  He is her protector already, focusing on the only differences that matter: He’s her big brother and she’s his little sister.  And that makes this Mama’s heart so proud.